What Will You Find Inside?

Recently I looked into the mirror. Into the mirror of my soul. Into the mirror of my inner self, where nobody can see, but myself. Just me and me, with me. Lonely space, just me.

It was very quiet, though. And a very honest look. And I realised that it’s no more so rosy as I appeared to myself before. Now I know that there is nothing why I should be treated better than anyone else. There are lots of things that I am doing completely wrong.

One thing in particular - not being honest with others. When I compare what is inside with how I try to appear to others, it’s a great difference. And I think this is a crucial condition of love - simply to be coherent. To have nothing to hide.

So have a look yourself and see what you discover in your mirror.

Opportunities to Commit a Sin

This is really difficult - when it’s in your mind, so easy to do it, so pleasurable, so nice - you can even feel the great sensation of having it/doing it etc…

And yet, it is a sin. It’s forbidden. It’s something that God doesn’t want me to do. Eventually, it’s something that will do me a harm, and I will actually feel worse after I do it.

Very personal though. You wouldn’t tell your friends about how you didn’t buy/do/say/think that and that thing - they would laugh - it’s maybe just a subtle desire inside of you, maybe doesn’t look like any danger, but actually, you know it means to you a lot.

So please, don’t give up. Keep winning, and these small wins will account for a great reward in the future life. And even now already - after the urgent desire disappears (and they say it is rarely longer than 5 mins), you will feel great about yourself, proud that you did it, that you resisted the temptation and that you can smile at God again.

Too Successful?

Have you ever read “The Following of Christ” by Thomas A Kempis?

I came back to it just recently and rediscovered its riches - I think he is right in many things, especially when he suggests to be humble and not seek pleasure in mundane fame and comfort.

As recently I have been quite successful in my work, tasting a bit of publicity and appreciation from my boss and colleagues, I was thinking that this is not really what I should aim for.

Yet it’s quite difficult to focus on love and humbleness when you get money, fame and pleasure just in front of your eyes - and you can just grasp them and enjoy them. At the end of the day - what is wrong with that?

But at the same time, it’s so difficult to feel inferior to God and take Him accontable for every success. He is the Giver. And it’s so easy to forget Him and start to believe that “I am great”. And to believe that “it was me who achieved all those things”. Bullshit.

However, I still want to be extremely successful because then I will be in position to show a bit of “smile” to the world - famous people have greater impact on society and if they promote “real values”, it can help many good things. But at the same time, I would like to stay in a quiet place, maybe even not knowing about my success so that I could concentrate on my relationship with God.

Coming back to “The Following of Christ“, Thomas suggests that we hold ourselves sitting at the bottom of the society, at the bottom of the world, as the smallest servants, the least important slaves… And that we prefer to suffer, as it will help us get to God easier. Do not avoid suffering, take on the least pleasurable duties… and Love!

Well, compared to the previously described life of fame… This really is a challenge. And combined with the “Forget about the outcome and concentrate on the process” - there is a way outlined in front of me now. Get up and keep going. Keep giving, keep serving, keep on humble, hungry and tired… but HAPPY.

Hence I would finish off with this prayer by St. Ignatius of Loyola which has been so important to me:

“Dearest Lord,
teach me to be generous,
teach me to serve you as you deserve;
to give, and not to count the cost;
to fight, and not to heed the wounds;
to labor, and not to seek the rest;
to give of myself, and not to ask for reward,
except the reward of knowing that I am doing your will.”

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Nature’s Universal Beauty Smile

Have you ever thought that this could also be God’s smile? I believe He is smiling at me all the time and that He loves me. And I smile back. That’s all.

When you do it this way, you feel like the whole world is smiling at you and you feel just perfect.

Enjoy the Process

Here is how you could achieve your goals easier and more effectively:

1. Find out what you want.
2. Define your goals.
3. Visualise the goals.
4. Find out where you are now - how far from achieving the goals.
5. Define what you need to do in order to get where you want to be.
6. Make an action plan - day to day, step by step.
7. Detach from the outcome - forget about your goals.
8. Focus on implementation of the plan - step by step.
9. Enjoy the process till you realise you’ve achieved your goals.

So let’s see how it works - and whether you are really honest with yourself that you will make the effort in order to achieve the goals.

3 Things to Life for

1. Every day, spend a half an hour in the nature - sensing the universal nature’s smile.
2. Every day, spend a half an hour with my loving husband - in a dialogue with his smiling eyes.
3. Every day, spend a  half an hour with my God in Eucharist - feeling His smile at me.

Back to Origins

Yes, I need to take a step back again. When I was starting this blog, my goal was to simply share my thoughts on my way to God, discuss them with you and as well, keep track of what I do, so that it will “force”, or motivate, me to do better.

And the core thing there was prayer.

Now, reading my recent posts, you can see that it’s not necessarily coming from there. Honestly, I haven’t been praying deeply for a while.

So this is actually the last such post which has not been discussed in prayer. Because prayer is the place where I can meet God face to face and talk to Him.

That’s why now I want to get back to the real “prayer wrestle” and grow in the presence of the Living God.

People Who don’t Drink, are Boring

Today I had a chat with my colleagues and one of them pointed out that in our country you simply need to go out and to pubs if they want to be “in”. And that most of those who don’t go to parties and who don’t drink with friends, are found quite boring.

I was sitting there when they turned to me asking whether I drink. Of course, I don’t. And I don’t go to big parties and to pubs either. An awkward situation. However, I was not ashamed.

Funnily enough, I have got quite used to this type of “jokes” and comments. Generally, I don’t care - but I am happy when people are having fun. So this one didn’t put me off.

Should We Indulge in Ourselves?

When drug addicts want to get rid of their addiction, they are taught how to stop “indulging themselves”. Because these people, as I have heard, love to spend time enjoying the pleasure of taking drugs, eating, smoking, drinking, having sex etc.

And to break the bad habit, you need to learn what alternatives are here to spend your time. At the beginning it might be very hard to work instead of eating, to read instead of taking drugs, to play games with others instead of smoking…

But after you overcome your laziness and your desire to “indulge yourself”, it becomes easier and easier and you will be able to feel the beauties of a full life.

First of all, you will build relationships and interact with people, you learn how to share so that others will share with you as well. And, yes, you might still have cravings, but it’s always for a while and then it disappears. So if you are able to overcome these several minutes/hours…

I know, it is very difficult, because it never ends. You will never be in a position to say - I am healed now, I will never fall down. But you must be strong. And here I am not talking only about heavy drug addicts, who have it really difficult and I admire everyone who has the courage to struggle with their addiction and face it - but now I am talking especially about our everyday “desires” or “using opportunities to commit a sin”.

And these missed opportunities to do good instead of bad things take us away from our relationships, from our true selves and we suffer in a certain way.

This is why I would rather live a hard life, with little to indulge (humble accommodation, not too much and too luxury food, basic clothes etc.) but with lots to live - strong relationships with my family, with my friends, with God and myself.

And keeping ourselves in action, always doing something rather than just sitting and “indulging ourselves” - I think this is the secret of a successful and full life. Try to be in company of other people as much as possible (although do not forget about the time for yourself, but use it wisely then), work hard, play hard, do sports, study, read, draw, pray… Whatever you like, but be productive. Give out something from yourself, something from your inner self that can help others and will make you more satisfied and happy.

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The Golden Arrow of Consumption

Have you watched StoryOfStuff.org?

It is an excellent explanation of why we should stop and think about the way we live. It has that environmental appeal but one thing there struck me:

That there is a “Golden Arrow” that points us towards more shopping, more consumption and then more working to earn money for shopping… And the weirdest thing is, that within six months, 99% of all things that we buy is dumped.

So what is our life about? Are we strong enough to resist the calling of that “Golden Arrow” and ignore the recent trends, don’t buy widgets for ourselves that bring us unnecessary comfort, luxury and fashion? Which actually makes us work more - rather than LIVE more?

The Satan, who wants refrain “good people” from doing good and serve God, in one story said that if people become occupied with more activities, they will not have time for relationships - with other people, with God and with themselves. And when we work more and more hours, doesn’t it make us preoccupied and we don’t care about others and about God?

So think what your priorities are, what you can do with the time you have got, and how you can grow in relationships with your dearest. Now.

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